In 1994, Hammer’s career was about dead: that Addams Family shit was played out, his cartoon didn’t get picked up for another season, and he was the butt of some of the top elementary school jokes of all time. He had no choice but to go DEFCON 1 on the world. He unleashed the nuclear fucking explosion called “Pumps and a Bump” on our world on April Fools Day 1994 (OK, it was a day later, but close enough). But this was no joke. The world had moved on from his typewriter dancing, Palm-Springs-retiree-sunglass-wearing bullshit and caught a mean case of Gangsta Rap Fever. Dre and Snoop had completely changed up the set with The Chronic and our buddy Hammer was a day late and a dollar short. I mean, I didn’t take The Chronic out of my CD player for two years, and I know about a thousand other fools that did the same thing. So, to get the white dollar back in his pocket, and fight to avoid that inevitable bankruptcy, Hammer had to step up his game. He dropped the MC from his moniker, grew a goatee and wore a generic burglar outfit everywhere to catch the growing wave of gangsta rap.
But this man is a fucking (marketing) genius. Not satisfied to uninvent himself and ride the coattails of the leaders in one dominant sub-genre of early 90’s hip-hop, he had the foresight to try to incorporate the other trend in rap that was white-fucking-hot at the time: Miami bass. Genius. This is akin to when Bush combined Oasis, Smashing Pumpkins, Morrissey, and muscular dystrophy into their own brand of awesome. Just when the West Coast was flooding with some hardcore uzi-popping, weed-laced, Dickies-rocking shit, Miami was assploding with the Booty Bass phenomenon. Tag Team was blowing up with “Whoomp There It Is” and the 69 Boys kicked out “Tootsee Roll” and “Daisy Dukes”. Videos of dudes yapping and chicks in bikinis grinding around on the beach or by a pool with a waterfall were the bomb-biggity. And Hammer took the best of both worlds and spun them into this classic. He filled the back yard of his Oaktown manor with fake rocks, a pool with the mandatory waterfall (Hammer’s high-class ass fronted for the remote control waterfall), and dimestore hookers in bikinis bumping and grinding to the catchiest track since “Tom’s Diner” by Suzanne Vega (if you’re singing “doot doot doo doot, doot doo doo doot . . .” in your head right now, sorry. Well, not really since I’m singing it too.)
Now, in light of the fact that Hammer was once a member of the Will Smith Club of rappers who say “fuck you to profanity and sexual chocolate,” (did I mention Hammer was so squeaky clean, he had a Saturday Morning Cartoon for a while? Will Smith didn’t even reach animation status.) this may seem like a desperate act of a desperate man on the brink of financial and social collapse, but I think “Pumps and a Bump” was inspired; no divinely inspired art (note: Hammer jumped from the Will Smith Club to the MC Run Club of minister rappers for JC). Art inspired by Jesus takes many forms, and I think Hammer lucked the fuck out and bestowed upon the world the ultimate mash-up.
And in case it’s not crystal fucking clear on first viewing how determined Hammer nee MC was to meld these two disparate genres into one huge steaming pile of dopeness, there is a scene in the video where he is playing dominos (the most gangsta hobby since drive-bys and tipping 40’s) with his fully-clothed homies while he’s wearing a zebra banana-hammock at poolside.
Oh, I hadn’t mentioned to marble sack yet? In case you don’t remember, it was way fucking cool for a while there in the 90’s to be a sexy rapper. Marky Mark did his shit topless, LL Cool J was topless and licked his lips and showed off the cotton balls in his armpits (see that “Mama Said Knock You Out” shit from MTV Unplugged). But Hammer had to go one further and not just let his pants sag off the bottom of his ass with his CK’s showing, but he went ahead and dropped his pants completely. For almost the whole damn video. Like a college dropout in West Hollywood. And let’s just say Hammer combined the Miami bass and gangsta shit in a way that being “hard” had a whole new meaning, if you catch my drift. In case you don’t, I mean HE HAD A BONER THE WHOLE TIME.
Later in the video, he raided Tupac’s wardrobe and stole that faux-bulletproof vest and black pants outfit to make sure you knew he was a gangsta (making sure to keep wearing Gred Tolan’s workout gloves from Just One of the Guys), and closed the video in a track suit and danced like it was 5 years earlier, so the whole thing comes full circle, but not before taking you on a journey you can never forget. I mean the image of Hammer trying to “hammer” some chick from behind in a Hillcrest Nut-Hugger may be burned into your mind forever after you watch this. And with that said, please, ENJOY!!!
